


On the Risks and Rewards of Being Seen

by acedott



Series: Vanessa Gottlieb Appreciation [7]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Regency, Canon Female Character(s) of Color, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hermann is a good big brother, Karla is Black and Adopted, Lars Gottlieb’s A+ Parenting, Social Anxiety, celebration of historical Black figures, no bigotry bc i deserve a fun period piece that lets me be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acedott/pseuds/acedott
Summary: The year is 1815. Karla Gottlieb, the lady of the Gottlieb estate, rekindles an old friendship with Vanessa Haile, the groundskeeper’s daughter.
Relationships: Karla Gottlieb/Vanessa Gottlieb
Series: Vanessa Gottlieb Appreciation [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1774612
Kudos: 3





	On the Risks and Rewards of Being Seen

**Author's Note:**

> MASSIVE thank you to [Charles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyxSphynx) for beta’ing and for your help with the clothing and to [my friend Sara](https://www.instagram.com/artstarsshop/) for help with Amharic and cultural norms!! My friends are the best, genuinely.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that daughters are placed in charge of household duties, regardless of how willing she is to occupy this role. Karla sometimes wondered if she had been adopted for just such a purpose, as the rest of the Gottlieb children were male. Accordingly, despite being younger than all of them, Karla practically ran the home from a young age. Even before their parents had passed away, concerns for the house and its inhabitants were brought to Karla. Truthfully, this was a task she enjoyed. She took great satisfaction from keeping the numbers in the household ledger in tidy rows. Nothing made her feel more at ease than making lists of food and supplies that were needed. 

But it did get lonely, especially after her brothers moved out. The oldest, Hermann, did remain living in the family home, and she was grateful for his company. But he was often shut up in his study, poring over his equations. She didn’t know what his equations were _for_ , exactly; her childhood governess had not taught her advanced mathematics the way her brothers’ tutors had. But she asked about them when she was desperate for interaction, and enjoyed the way his face lit up as he spouted off incomprehensible jargon. In return, he would ask about whatever novel she was reading, and pretended that he was following her rambling explanations. And their staff was wonderful, small though it was. Although “staff” was perhaps too generous a term; they had only a cook and a groundskeeper in their employ. Each had a smile and a kind word ready for Karla, but all were conscious of the divides between them. Much as she might long to bridge the gaps, she wasn’t sure how to go about doing so. She had not had a close friend since she was young and would play with the groundskeeper’s daughter, Vanessa. 

Feeling the ache of loneliness acutely, she made her way down to the stables to spend time with the horses. They had once had a whole stable full, but now only two remained. Some had gone with her brothers who moved out and some had to be sold. Only Karla and Hermann’s horses remained.

“I believe you are my closest friend,” she murmured to her mare, stroking her velvety nose.

“That may be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” a voice remarked from behind her. Karla spun around to see a tall woman with skin only a few shades lighter than her own deep brown complexion. She was awed by the complex arrangement of her hair, intricate braids in the front giving way to tight black coils spilling over her shoulders, and even more awed by the figure she cut in breeches with a thin waistcoat and jacket over a white shirt.

“You aren’t Mr. Isaak,” was all she could think to say.

The other woman laughed. “No, I’m his daughter.”

Could this beautiful woman before her really be her old playmate Vanessa? She looked closer and realized it was true. Vanessa had been a tall, gangly child, but it appeared the rest of her body had caught up with her long limbs. Her face had lost some of the roundness of childhood, but it was still more circular than Karla’s own square face.

“Of course, Miss Isaak. How are you?”

Vanessa tapped her temple playfully. “Miss Haile, remember? Our naming customs differ from yours.”

Karla’s face heated up. How insensitive of her to forget! “Of course. My apologies, Miss Haile.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just taking over my father’s duties for the time being. He’s been under the weather as of late.”

“Oh, no! I hope he’s well.” She mentally kicked herself. _Of course he’s not well, she just said he’s ill_. “That is, I mean to say, I hope he will be well. Soon.”

Vanessa smiled at her fondly. “You haven’t changed a bit. I know what you meant, and I will pass along your good wishes.”

“Right. Good. Well, er, I will leave you to your duties then.” Karla smiled awkwardly and turned to go.

“Wait!” Vanessa called. Karla turned back. “I don’t suppose you would be willing to keep me company while I work?” she asked hopefully.

Karla started. “Oh! I’m not very good company, I should think. I’m a bit out of practice in talking to people,” she confessed.

“I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it again in no time. We can at least catch up. I haven’t seen you in some time.”

Her loneliness and fascination won out over her insecurities. “I suppose so. For a little while, at least.”

Vanessa brightened. A warmth bloomed in Karla’s chest at the thought that she was the cause of such a smile. “Wonderful! I thought I would take the horses for a brief walk to refamiliarize myself with the property.” They put leads on the horses and began walking the grounds.

After a stretch of silence, Karla cleared her throat. “So. How have you been?”

“Recently, or in the last two decades since we’ve seen each other?”

“Erm. Both, I suppose?”

Vanessa laughed. “Well, after your governess came, we were apparently too old to play together, so I started helping my mother more. You remember, she’s an herbalist.”

“Yes, of course. I assume she’s tending to your father, then.”

“Yeah, she’s staying at home with him. I offered to stay too, but someone had to be here.”

“If he needs you as well, I would of course understand,” Karla replied. “It goes without saying that his position here is secure.”

“I appreciate that, but she’s more than capable on her own. Honestly, I was excited to have the chance to see you again. We never really got to say goodbye.”

“No, we didn’t. I missed you,” Karla blurted out before she could stop herself.

It must have been her imagination, but she thought Vanessa flushed a bit. “I missed you too. But now it’s your turn. What have you been doing all this time?”

Karla sighed. “There’s not much to tell. My governess, Miss Mori, was strict but kind. She was a bit young actually, she was closer to my age than is typical. Her younger brother and I are the same age. But her father served in the war with Lars, so an exception was made. She was also adopted, so we had that in common.” 

Vanessa took Karla’s hand. “I’m glad she was able to understand you.”

Karla felt faint and gripped the lead tighter for balance. She prayed that her heartbeat couldn’t be felt through her hand, yet couldn’t bring herself to pull away. “Well, anyway, once my parents died, we realized that Lars was in a significant amount of debt because of some foolish construction program he had invested in. We had to sell all of the horses, except for these two, and let most of the staff go.”

“I had wondered where everyone was,” Vanessa said.

Karla nodded. “I made sure they all got glowing references, but there was nothing more I could do. Even your father and the cook had to take a significant decrease in pay for a while. I hope that didn’t put undue strain on your family.”

“Thank you for your concern, but we were fine. With the salary you did give him along with the money my mother earned as a healer, we were able to get by.”

“I'm glad of that.”

They fell into a silence again, more amiable than the last.

“May I ask you a question, Miss Haile?”

“Of course you may.”

“I couldn't help noticing your attire.”

“That's not a question,” she teased.

“I suppose I was just curious, as to why you are dressed like a man.”

“Partly for the range of motion. It's much easier to keep up with my father’s duties when I'm not encumbered by a long skirt.”

“Ah, of course.”

Vanessa glanced at her. “I also prefer how I look—and feel—in clothes like this. I feel confident and strong this way, in a way I don't when in dresses.”

“I see.” She didn't see, not fully at least, but she couldn't deny that she looked dashing in her outfit. “You do wear it well.” 

She definitely wasn't imagining Vanessa’s blush this time. “Thank you, Miss Gottlieb. And I must say, you look beautiful in your dress. The blue suits you.”

She smoothed the linen skirt self-consciously, pleased. “Thank you.”

“May I ask you a question now?”

“Alright,” Karla responded, falsely casual. She couldn’t help feeling she was about to be caught out for something, though she didn’t know what.

“Why don’t you call Mr. Gottlieb your father? That’s twice that you’ve called him by his first name.”

“You know that he took me in after my mother died. He felt obligated, since my mother had served the family her whole adult life, and I was already friends with the boys.”

Vanessa smiled a little sadly. “I remember your mother. Once she caught me tracking mud in the kitchen, and I was so scared she would yell at me. But she just made me clean it up and then snuck me a biscuit. She was a good woman.”

Karla smiled back. “She was. Lars and Rachel provided for me and kept me out of the orphanage, and I am grateful for that. But it was no secret that I was merely an obligation to them. From my memories of my mother, I know what a parent’s love feels like, and that is not what I received from them.”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa said mournfully, squeezing her hand. “You deserved better than that.”

She said nothing, only squeezed back.

“Now, tell me all about the latest book you’re reading. I remember you always had a book with you when we were children.”

Karla chattered excitedly the rest of the afternoon, stopping a few times to be sure Vanessa didn’t mind her rambling and being reassured that she didn’t. Their hands remained clasped the entire time.

Their days came to pass in a similar manner. After attending to anything that needed to be done in the house, Karla would come outside and keep Vanessa company while she worked. Sometimes the two would talk, other times they would silently enjoy each other’s presence. On those silent days, Karla would attempt to read but end up sneaking glances over the top of her book. She would watch Vanessa’s nimble hands brush and care for the horses, or take note of her strong legs as she chopped wood. More and more, she felt that Vanessa’s choice of clothing suited her much more than any dress. The most elaborate gown could not compare to the sight of her in a homespun jacket and breeches, though she did find herself fantasizing about how stunning Vanessa would look in finer clothes. She would fasten a silk cravat around Vanessa’s neck, tucking it into her waistcoat. The two would lock eyes as Karla smoothed the fabric, and then…

“What are you thinking about?” Vanessa asked her.

Karla jumped, nearly falling off the fence she was perched on. “Nothing!”

Vanessa raised an eyebrow. “I know that look. You’re deep in thought about something. You’ve been staring off into space for some time now.”

“Have I?”

“I've called your name twice now and received no response.”

Karla’s face warmed. “My apologies. I was merely, er, reviewing the kitchen’s inventory. I may need to go to the market soon.”

Vanessa hummed doubtfully but let it go. “If you need an extra pair of hands, I would be more than happy to assist.”

“Only if you wouldn’t mind the walk. It’s difficult to balance everything while on horseback, but we had to sell the wagon a few months ago.”

“All time with you is time well-spent, Miss Gottlieb,” Vanessa said gallantly. “Even just carrying bags with you would be a delightful outing.”

Karla swooned internally. “I should be quite glad of your company, Miss Haile,” she said out loud.

Vanessa grinned. Lord above, but her smile was something magnificent to behold. When she smiled like this, big and brilliant, it revealed small dimples in her cheeks and lit up her whole face like the sun. And just like the sun, Karla could still see it when she closed her eyes.

“It will be dark soon, but perhaps we could go tomorrow. I have a friend who will be in the market tomorrow that I would like you to meet. She's quite a character, but she's very kind.”

“I would be honored to make her acquaintance.” Was Vanessa trying to push her off on someone else? Was she bothered by Karla? Or perhaps she would mock her with this other person after they were done? _No, that's ridiculous_ , Karla scolded herself mentally. _Vanessa volunteered to come. Why do that if she resents spending time with me?_

“Now you've got your worried face on!” Vanessa cried. “I assure you, you two will get along famously. There is nothing to fear from her.”

“Am I really so transparent?” Karla asked wryly.

“You hide your feelings well, but I see you, Miss Gottlieb. I only wish you didn't feel you had to hide.”

Her head spun. The tenderness in Vanessa’s voice and the way she held herself, as if she wanted to reach out to touch her but was holding herself back, was making Karla want to do something very reckless indeed.

“I have to go,” she stammered instead. “I should make a list of everything we will need to get tomorrow.” She hopped off the fence and nodded awkwardly. “I shall see you tomorrow, Miss Haile.”

As she walked away, she heard Vanessa say faintly behind her, “Until tomorrow, Miss Gottlieb.”

Karla did make a grocery list, taking comfort in the safe logic of making lists as always. She also made several sketches of Vanessa in the fine clothes she had fantasized about earlier, and tucked her sketchbook safely away into her nightstand. 

The next day, Vanessa was already in the kitchen when she came down for breakfast, and was chatting amiably with the cook.

“She didn’t!”

“She did,” Mrs. Malikova confirmed, shaking her head. “Pushed him straight to the ground.”

“Whom exactly was pushed to the ground?” Karla asked.

Vanessa turned to her and smiled. “Good morning Miss Gottlieb! You remember Mrs. Malikova’s granddaughter, Viktoriya?”

“Of course. She used to talk my ear off about how her parents were the famous war heroes, the Kaidonovskys, but that it was a secret,” she remembered fondly.

“Apparently a boy in the village told her that wasn’t true and she pushed him to the ground.”

“No! But she was always such a sweet child!”

Mrs. Malikova sighed. “She is, when she feels safe enough to show it. But when she feels threatened...she is strong. I wish her to hold on to that strength, but perhaps not by pushing other children.”

“I say good for her,” Karla declared. “Whether it’s true or not, it’s nobody’s business but her own, and yours, of course, ma’am. Her believing it to be true helps her feel powerful and hurts no one. Taking that away just to feel superior is cruel.”

Vanessa pounded the table in agreement. “Exactly! If she ever wants any fighting tips, tell her to come to me and I’ll help her.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Karla protested laughingly.

Mrs. Malikova shooed them out of the kitchen with her apron. “You’re a menace, Miss Haile! Out, before you turn my granddaughter into a prizefighter! And you, Miss Gottlieb, encouraging her! For shame.” Her smile took the edge off her words.

Vanessa stole two apples from the table before leaving. Mrs. Malikova clucked her tongue but let it slide. Once they were safely out of sight, she buffed one on her jacket’s lapel and held it out to Karla before taking a bite out of the other one.

Karla’s stomach rumbled, reminding her that she hadn’t had the chance to eat breakfast, and she took it gratefully. 

“I’m surprised to hear you advocating violence,” Vanessa teased. 

“I wouldn’t say I was _advocating_. But you forget, I did grow up with three older brothers. I’m tougher than I look.” She pointed to an oblong scar on her arm. “This one came from Bastien; he bit me when we were fighting.”

“No! How old were you?”

Karla smirked proudly. “Old enough to give him a matching one.”

Vanessa laughed and clapped her hands in delight. “I wish I could’ve seen that!”

“As I said, I’m much stronger than people give me credit for.”

“Anyone who’s seen you run the estate all by yourself could attest to that.”

Karla ducked her head shyly.

“I’m serious!” Vanessa continued. “You keep the financials in order, you maintain that house with no assistance day-to-day, treat staff fairly and kindly, and have done all of this from a very young age. I don’t know many young women your age who run a household without husband or inheritance, let alone ones who run it so well. You are amazing, Karla.”

“You describe me too generously,” she scoffed lightly. “Like everyone else, I am doing what I can to get by. I remain in the house only at Hermann’s mercy, as it is his inheritance as the eldest. He would never force me out, of course, he is too good a man and a brother for that. But the fact that this stability I have is not protected by any legal means, that if—Heaven forbid—anything were to happen to him, I would have no protections at all, hangs over me nonetheless. I have no remaining blood family to take me in, and my other brothers do not have Hermann’s sense of family. I run this house well because I cannot afford to do anything else. I am careful with finances because I _literally_ cannot afford to live otherwise.” She shook her head. “And even with all of this, I still operate day-to-day with more than others have, or ever will have. And it could all be gone in an instant. Just like everyone else.”

Vanessa was silent for a moment. “I never thought of it from that perspective,” she said finally. “I always assumed you would want for nothing as the lady of the estate.”

Karla looked down at her hands. “I want many things,” she confessed softly. “Some of which I know I can never have.”

They walked in silence after that, both lost in their thoughts. Just as the quiet became untenable, Vanessa spoke again. “Still, I am sure it doesn’t hurt that you enjoy making things run smoothly.”

The corner of Karla’s mouth quirked upward. “I do love a good list,” she admitted. “Especially when I can check things off of it.”

“So am I correct in believing you have a comprehensive list for our visit to the market today?”

“I do!” Her tension melted away at the prospect of completing a task and pulled the list out of her reticule. “There isn’t much that we need, truthfully, but the weather supposedly will take a turn for the worse soon.” She handed over the list.

Vanessa studied it carefully as they approached the market. “Many of these vendors are clients of my mother’s. I may be able to convince them to lower their prices for us.”

“That would be wonderful! I have never tried to haggle before. I don’t believe I would ever recover from the embarrassment were I unsuccessful.”

Vanessa gave her a look she could not define. Karla felt both safe and laid bare under that gaze, and realized with a start that she truly _did_ see her. “Fortunately for us, both of my parents are skilled negotiators who taught me everything they know. My father likes to joke that I used to haggle on my bedtime and win more often than not.”

“Then I am in the very best of hands.” And what attractive hands, too, sturdy and sure but with a quick grace about them. What a picture their hands together would make, their shades of brown mixing and intertwining. How would those hands look, how would they _feel_ , against her skin?

“Miss Gottlieb?” Vanessa prompted searchingly. 

Karla shook herself out of her reverie. “Yes. Our first stop ought to be the tea vendor. She makes a particular brew that eases Hermann’s pains from his leg at night.”

They strolled through the market leisurely, each occasionally pointing out something that caught her eye or sample various wares. True to her word, Vanessa’s skilled bargaining saved Karla nearly a third of what she had budgeted for the trip.

“I ought to bring you along for every visit,” she murmured low in Vanessa’s ear as she haggled with a food vendor for their supper.

Vanessa swallowed audibly, stumbling a bit over her words. Karla turned to peruse the other stalls. Her eyes landed on a flower cart nearby, full to bursting with the most beautiful blooms.

When Vanessa finished her negotiation, turning triumphantly with hand pies for them both, Karla pulled her over to the cart. “Look at these beautiful flowers! With the money you saved me, I have enough to purchase a bouquet for the dining room. Come help me pick some out.”

Vanessa followed with a fond smile. “Happily, Miss Gottlieb. This is actually the cart of the friend I wished you to meet.”

“My ears are burning,” a bright voice called out from under the cart. A woman popped up from underneath with ribbon in hand. “You must be talking about me.”

“Speak of the devil and she will appear. Miss Karla Gottlieb, may I introduce Miss Sheri Nordemann. Sheri, this is Miss Gottlieb.”

“So _you’re_ the famous Miss Gottlieb! I’ve heard so much about you. Only good things, I promise,” Sheri said.

“I regret that I cannot say the same, though Miss Haile has said that you two are great friends,” Karla replied.

Sheri brought a hand to her chest in mock-offense. “You didn’t tell her about your best friend and favorite businesswoman in all of Europe? The nerve!”

As she and Vanessa launched into good-natured bickering, Karla took the opportunity to observe her. She was lighter still than both Karla and Vanessa, though her features clearly showed her ancestors hailed from that great continent of Africa, with a round face sprinkled liberally with dark freckles. Her brown hair could only be described as fluffy, her curls undefined and pulled back with a kerchief tied around her head. Sheri’s laugh and good cheer were infectious, and Karla found herself enjoying her company already.

“Don’t listen to a word she says about me,” Sheri said, turning to Karla. “She is relentless in assassinating my character.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Telling a true story about our childhood is hardly slander.”

“My mother still believes I was a perfect angel. You wouldn’t ruin a mother’s perception of her only child, would you?”

“And how is Miss Mabel? I haven’t seen her in some time.”

“With the amount of time you’ve been spending with Miss Gottlieb, I am hardly surprised.” 

Vanessa colored slightly and moved to shove Sheri’s arm.

“She’s doing well, and I’ll tell her you asked about her,” she continued, easily evading Vanessa. “And how is Miss Lidiya? And Mr. Isaak, is he recovering?”

“Both my parents are well, thank you. Father is getting stronger every day, though terrorizing my mother with his refusal to stick to his bedrest.”

“I can only imagine. Poor Miss Lidiya.”

“Believe me, she gives as good as she gets. Luckily for me, Miss Gottlieb here is kind enough to put up with me so I can escape,” Vanessa said good-naturedly, pulling Karla into the conversation.

“If anything, she is the one putting up with me. Spending time with Miss Haile has brightened my days considerably,” she responded.

Sheri glanced between the two of them significantly. “I _see_. Well, anyone who appreciates Vanessa so much is a true friend of mine! I hear tell from Vanessa that your birthday is tomorrow, so I will make a bouquet for you for free. Perhaps some roses, or violets?”

“Sheri,” Vanessa said warningly.

“What?” she responded innocently. “Miss Gottlieb strikes me as the type to appreciate violets, that’s all.”

Karla looked between the two of them, feeling the all-too-familiar feeling of being the butt of a joke she didn’t understand. “I’m not sure we need flowers after all.”

Vanessa looked at her curiously before understanding dawned and she rushed to reassure her. “It’s alright, Miss Gottlieb. Sheri is poking fun at me, not you. Often women who are interested in women will give the object of their affection violets to express admiration and see if they are similarly inclined. What she is implying, _tastelessly_ ,” she added, leveling a glare at Sheri, “is that those are my motives.”

“I apologize, Miss Gottlieb,” Sheri said. “I myself am inclined towards women; I meant this only in good fun. I sometimes get too caught up in needling poor Vanessa, but I did not mean to offend you.”

Relief flooded Karla that she was not being mocked. “That’s quite alright. Violets are a lovely flower. I think they might look quite charming in the house. Don’t you agree, Miss Haile?”

Vanessa blinked rapidly, mouth slightly parted in surprise. “They—indeed, yes. Beautiful.”

Sheri smiled broadly, revealing a slight gap tooth. “Wonderful! I’ll add in baby’s breath for some contrast and wrap these up for you.” She deftly plucked several stalks of both flowers out of her cart and tied a pale yellow ribbon around them after arranging them together to her satisfaction. “There you are, Miss Gottlieb. Please, come back anytime. As I said, a friend of Vanessa’s is a friend of mine.”

Karla took the bouquet gratefully. “Thank you very much, Miss Nordemann. This is lovely.”

Sheri smiled at her sincerely. “Vanessa’s high praise of you is well-earned. I am glad you two have found each other.”

Karla’s response was cut off by a rumble of thunder.

“Miss Gottlieb, I believe this is the change in weather we were promised,” Vanessa said. She gathered up the two bags of their spoils. “We ought to get back before it gets worse.”

“Indeed. Again, Miss Nordemann, it was a pleasure to meet you. I hope to see you again soon.”

“Likewise. Good-bye, Vanessa!”

Vanessa waved a hand as best she could while holding the bags, and they were off. The sky was steadily growing darker and the clouds threatened to burst at any moment, but Karla had never felt more cheerful.

“What has put you in such a good mood all of a sudden?”

She shrugged happily. “It’s just been a wonderful day! I spent it in excellent company and I was able to complete tasks on a list.”

“That’s all?” Vanessa laughed incredulously.

She shrugged again. “I’m an easily satisfied creature.”

“If you are happy, then I am happy as well.”

“Wait!” a voice called from behind them. They turned to see Sheri running after them with a lumpy cloth bundle in hand.

“Vanessa, you forgot the—”

“Yes, the items for my mother!” she interrupted hurriedly. “A million thanks, Sheri, now Miss Gottlieb and I must continue on.”

Sheri rolled her eyes and walked away. “Why it’s such a bleeding secret is beyond me,” she muttered as she returned to her cart.

Karla peered curiously at the bundle. “What is it?”

Vanessa shoved it into a pocket inside her tailcoat. “Nothing important. Just some herbs my mother is running low on. She asked Sheri to give them to me while I was in town.”

Karla didn’t buy that for a second, but let it go. “Have you and Sheri known each other long?”

“Since we were babes. Her mother and my mother are close friends. She is practically a sister to me.”

She felt an embarrassing flash of relief knowing the relationship between the two was strictly platonic. “I must agree with your assessment of her as ‘quite a character,’ but I like her.”

“Good! You are both very important to me, I am glad you both like each other.”

“Am I so important to you?” Karla asked, touched.

Vanessa looked at her incredulously. “You are one of the most important people in my life! Beyond our relationship as employer and groundskeeper, I hold our connection most dear. I treasure our time together above all else, Miss Gottlieb.”

Karla could not fight the smile that spread across her face. “I feel the same way, Miss Haile. You are an amazing and indescribable woman, and I consider my life so much the richer for having you in it.”

They stood still in the road for a moment smiling at each other. They were only a few handbreadths apart, it would be so easy to just lean in and…

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately—for decorum’s sake if nothing else—the rain chose that moment to descend with all its might.

They shrieked at the onslaught and ran the rest of the way back to the house. Both slipped in the mud more than once, and had to help the other to her feet. By the time they made it to the house, they were soaking wet, coated with more than a bit of mud and grass, and breathless from running and laughter.

Karla leaned against the door frame to catch her breath. Vanessa placed the bags on the ground, under the stone archway safely out of reach from the rain, and bent over with her hands on her knees.

“I must say, there is never a dull moment with you,” she chuckled, wiping rainwater off of her face with her sleeve.

“I am glad I can be so entertaining,” Karla wheezed, still out of breath but giddy.

“Believe me, you are most captivating, Miss Gottlieb.” She straightened with a smile. “It’s getting late, I had better return to my parents. Good night, _yenē k’onijo_ ,” she said warmly.

“What does that mean?” Karla asked curiously.

“It...It is how I would translate your name into Amharic, my people’s language.” She gazed deeply into Karla’s eyes. “Well. Good night.”

“Good night,” Karla repeated. Her eyes wandered over Vanessa’s appearance of their own volition, taking note of the way her wet breeches clung to her and the soft brown skin she could see through her wet shirt, before she forced them to return to Vanessa’s face.

She seemed not to notice this, however, and gave a jaunty salute before taking off into the rain, whooping and laughing.

Karla watched her go with a smile, waiting until she was just a speck on the horizon before reluctantly going inside. She took one look around the house and saw everything that needed to be done and sighed. “These chores have waited this long, they can wait until I have a decent evening’s sleep and a change of clothes.”

She diligently set about accomplishing these tasks the next morning, quickly losing herself in the repetition of folding and stacking freshly cleaned linens to be put away. Humming softly to herself, she picked up a stack of towels that rose above her eyes and slowly, carefully made her way to the linen closet. A pair of hands grabbed at them as she was walking.

“No, don’t! I have a system, you’ll ruin my system!” Karla shrieked. She jerked away from the hands, almost toppling her tower of towels in the process, and managed to set them down without dropping any. She turned back around and found Vanessa standing sheepishly behind her.

“Miss Haile! What a pleasant surprise.” She frantically brushed away a few strands of hair that had slipped from her bun, trying not to seem like a madwoman. “What are you doing here?”

“The day is almost through, and normally you’ve come outside to see me by now. I just wanted to make sure everything was alright.” She took in Karla’s shortness of breath and slight flush. “ _Is_ everything alright?”

“Oh my, I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. After our outing yesterday, I didn’t have a chance to get to my chores. I’m sorry it kept me away.”

Vanessa nodded stiffly. “I see. I shan’t disturb your routine anymore then, Miss Gottlieb.” She turned to go, but Karla called after her.

“No, wait! I had a wonderful time yesterday. The most fun I’ve had in ages, in fact. It’s just that these chores do have to be done. But if you’d be willing to keep me company, I would like that.”

She turned back around, tension lifting. “I’ll do you one better. Why don’t I help you? Your chores will be done twice as fast if we divide up the work. Besides it’s not right for you to do all the laundry on your birthday.”

Karla paused. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding a bit obsessive, but I _do_ have a system, and according to our last housemaid, it only makes sense to me. She never got the hang of it before we had to let her go. She seemed a bit relieved not to have to deal with it anymore, actually.”

Vanessa laughed. “If you’d be willing to teach me your system, I should be glad to learn. If not, I’m more than happy to sit here and be entertaining.”

“In the interest of preserving our friendship, I won’t subject you to my laundry system. But if you wouldn’t mind doing the dusting, it would be much appreciated.”

She picked up a cleaning rag with gusto. “I shall undertake this endeavour with the greatest care and haste! No surface shall be left uncleaned! No corner un-webbed! Now, I must away!” She ran off to the living room dramatically, leaving Karla giggling in her wake.

The chores went remarkably faster with two people, and were considerably more enjoyable as well.

“I don’t believe I’ve had quite so much fun doing chores since I was a child,” Karla remarked, sinking down onto the sitting room sofa. “My mother used to pretend the broom was a dance partner, and that she was the _prima ballerina_. And when she held me up to dust high places, I would imagine that I was a fairy and this was my kingdom.” She smiled at the memory.

Vanessa sat down next to her. “Once the two of us had a pillow sack race, do you recall? We stuffed the bed linens into pillowcases, then climbed in ourselves and hopped our way out to your mother washing the clothes outside.”

“I remember that! She tried to scold us for getting them dirtier than they needed to be, but she was laughing too hard at the sight of us to get the words out!”

“I do believe that is my earliest memory,” Vanessa said. “You with your great big grin, half your teeth missing, barely bigger than the pillowcase you hopped in.”

“What about you?” Karla countered laughingly. “More limbs than you knew what to do with, and you still lost.”

“I seem to remember we agreed that was a tie, since you fell flat on your face before reaching the finish line.”

“Oh, that’s right. Lucky for you that I was a clumsy child.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes fondly. “With that kind of talk, I almost don’t want to give you your birthday present!”

Her heart fluttered. “You didn’t have to get me anything!”

“But I wanted to.” Vanessa smiled shyly and handed her the small, cloth bundle Sheri had given her in the market. “Happy birthday, Miss Gottlieb.”

She unwrapped the cloth slowly, revealing a small vial of oil and a square of plain silk about as wide as her arm. “This must have been quite expensive!”

“These are for your hair,” Vanessa explained. “This is oil to keep it smooth and retain moisture. The silk is to wrap around your hair at night to keep the cotton sheets from damaging it.”

Karla was touched. “Miss Haile, you shouldn’t have. I—I don’t know what to say, truly. This is the kindest gift I have ever been given. Thank you.”

She flushed. “I am only happy to have made you so happy.”

Karla smiled, pressing her lips together to keep a declaration of love from spilling out.

Vanessa stood and gave a sweeping bow. “My lady.”

She laughed and rose as well, dipping into an equally exaggerated curtsey. “My lady.”

They smiled at each other in silence for a moment before Vanessa snapped herself out of it. “I suppose I ought to be getting back to my father now.”

“Yes, of course. Please give him my best.”

“I will.” She squeezed Karla’s arm affectionately, then stood and walked outside into the night.

Karla watched her go for a moment, then forced herself to make her way into the dining room for dinner.

“Happy birthday, little sister,” Hermann said, joining her soon after.

“Hermann!” she said in delight. “I wasn’t sure you would be joining me for dinner tonight. You’ve been so busy in your study. I feel I haven’t seen you in some time.”

He kissed the top of her head fondly before taking a seat next to her. “That almanac you gave to 

me, by that wonderful Banneker fellow[i], has given me the most tremendous insight into my work! But no project could keep me from your birthday dinner.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “Also, Mrs. Malikova told me in no uncertain terms that she would never prepare another bite for me if I forgot.”

Her heart warmed. “I will have to thank her for dragging you out of your work, then. I am glad you came down.”

They ate in affectionate silence.

“I noticed you have been spending a significant amount of time with the groundskeeper’s daughter as of late,” Hermann said conversationally. “I could hear your laughter while cleaning even in my study.”

Karla’s heart pounded. Did he guess at her feelings? He couldn’t, surely, he’d hardly left his study after all. “I suppose I have,” she replied.

He nodded decisively. “I am glad. I remember the two of you were close as children. And - well, I am hardly one to criticize, but it has seemed to me that you have been quite shut up in the house by yourself ever since Mother and Father passed. I am pleased that you have found a companion in Miss Isaak.”

“Miss Haile,” she corrected absently. “Their naming customs differ from ours.”

“Miss Haile, then. I will endeavor to remember.” He mumbled the name under his breath a few times, committing it to memory. 

“And what about you, brother?” she asked, changing the topic before a slip revealed her true feelings about Vanessa. “Are you still corresponding with that American? He was a natural philosopher, if memory serves.”

His face pinkened. “Ah, yes. Newton—that is, Dr. Geiszler—and I remain in correspondence. He studies the ocean and the creatures living in it.”

She racked her brain for the information he had told her previously about his equations. “Is he assisting in your work, then? Predicting...maritime phenomena?”

Always eager to discuss his work, Hermann excitedly explained their joint research, thanking her multiple times again for the almanac. She caught a few key phrases to utilize in asking questions in the future, such as “predictive model” and “Breach”, but she was more intrigued by how animated he was when discussing Dr. Geiszler. Admiration for his work soon became glowing praise for his character, and he accidentally referred to him as _Newton_ multiple times before correcting himself. Listening to him practically gushing, it was readily apparent that he was just as infatuated with the American as she was with Vanessa. 

“He sounds most fascinating,” she said when he finally stopped for breath. “I am pleased you have found a companion of your own.”

He placed a hand atop hers companionably.

“Hermann, I also want to thank you. I am aware that you allow me to remain here, and—”

He cut her off with a wave of his hand. “None of that. You are my sister, Karla, and that is the end of it. Even without all you do to manage the estate—which is astounding, and I fear I don’t express my appreciation to you enough—you have as much right to be here as I. Anything I am able to do for you is no obligation, _Schwesterlein_ , but a privilege.”

She blinked back tears. “Thank you, brother.”

“Oh!” he exclaimed suddenly. “I have almost forgotten your present!” He pulled a thin package from inside his coat and handed it to her.

Karla wiped at her watery eyes and carefully unwrapped the paper. Inside was a slim volume entitled _Poems on Various Subjects_.

“Phyllis Wheatley?[ii]”

“Yes, I was told she was a poetess from America. I believe she passed on some time ago, shortly after the colonies split from England, but I perused a few of her poems and she is—was—quite talented.”

She opened the book and looked in wonder and the small portrait of the poetess printed there. She marveled at the similarities she saw between herself and the portrait; their skin’s hue and nose’s shape were two of a kind. She had forgotten what it was to see one’s face in another’s ever since her mother had passed, and tears fell freely at the unexpected feeling of kinship.

“Are you alright?” Hermann asked in concern. “I am terribly sorry if I have offended you—”

“No. No, brother, quite the opposite.” She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He startled at the uncharacteristic physical affection, but soon softened and returned the embrace, albeit a bit awkwardly due to the angle and lack of practice.

“Happy birthday, Karla,” he whispered fondly.

A laugh bubbled in her chest. “ _Danke schön_ , Hermann.” She cleared her throat and pulled away. “Now then, we should eat before the food grows cold.”

“Quite right. By the by, these flowers are quite lovely,” he said, gesturing to the bouquet on the table. “Wherever did you get them?”

Karla’s face warmed. “I bought them in the market. With Miss Haile.”

A slow, sly smile spread across his face. “Did you, indeed?” he replied conspiratorially. “Perhaps I should have given you the works of the poetess Sappho instead.”

She choked around her forkful of food. “Hermann!”

He laughed at her shocked expression. “Please, I am not _so_ oblivious as you seem to think. I am happy for you.”

She glanced at him and took a chance. “It seems we truly are two of a kind. Perhaps you could press some and send them to your Dr. Geiszler?”

His face turned crimson. “I don't—why would—that is to say—we are not—” he spluttered uselessly.

Now it was her turn to laugh. “Very well. But if a few flowers _should_ happen to go missing, well, I can hardly be expected to notice every small occurrence in this house, now can I?”

“I—I suppose not,” he replied feebly. She smiled and tucked back in to her meal.

The next day, a few flowers were missing. Hermann’s next letter from Dr. Geiszler was rose-scented and stuffed to bursting.

“You seem quite satisfied with yourself,” Vanessa commented the day after Dr. Geiszler’s letter arrived. “You've been smiling over your sketchbook all afternoon. Are your sketches turning out well?”

Karla shut her book. “They are agreeable enough, but I am no great talent. No, my satisfaction is of a more personal nature.” She shifted her feet. “Without being indiscreet, I can tell you that I helped my brother with...a romantic problem. If recent events are any indicator, things are now going quite well.”

“Good for him! And good for you as well, for helping him. As for your drawings…” Vanessa snatched the sketchbook from her before she even realized what was happening. “Allow me to be the judge of their merit.”

“Give that back!” Karla cried desperately, reaching futilely for the book.

Vanessa danced out of reach and flipped through the pages. “These are excellent, Miss Gottlieb! You have such a skill for drawing, why should you hide it?” She flipped another page and stopped. Dread filled Karla’s stomach. She knew _exactly_ what drawing she had landed on.

“Miss Haile, I can explain—”

“This is me,” Vanessa said in a small voice. She traced the edges of the pages gently, as if afraid to smudge the drawing. “You have drawn me.”

“I have.” Karla’s voice wavered. “There is a painting I admire, of the Chevalier de Saint-Georges[iii]. I—I found myself with the desire to replicate it, with you as its subject. I deeply apologize, Miss Haile, that was not my place.”

Vanessa turned to her and held the book out to her. “This is how you see me, Miss Gottlieb? Not someone beneath you, or a strange woman in men’s clothes, but as nobility?”

Karla looked at the drawing, unable to look Vanessa in the eye. She had drawn her similarly to the Chevalier, down to the gleaming rapier and fine attire, but that was where the similarities ended. Rather than put her in a wig, Karla had paid careful attention to the pattern in which her braids were done on her head and drawn them pulled back with a ribbon and resting on her shoulder. At the time, she had been proud of her attention to detail; now she burned with shame. “I hold you in the highest possible regard, Miss Haile,” she said softly.

“Miss Gottlieb,” Vanessa breathed. She took Karla’s hands with her free one. Karla startled at the unexpected contact, eyes moving to Vanessa’s. “Have I truly hidden my feelings so well? Can you not see that I hold you in such high esteem as well?” She raised their joined hands and pressed a feather-light kiss to the back of Karla’s palm, eyes never breaking contact.

Her breath caught. She searched Vanessa’s face for any hint of a lie, but found none. Overcome, she tilted the other woman’s face up and kissed her. Karla was about to pull away and apologize profusely for her forwardness, until Vanessa’s lips parted and moved against her own. 

All the tension in her body and soul melted, and her eyes fluttered shut. She had never kissed another woman before, nor anyone for that matter, but she felt as though she was made specifically to embrace Vanessa. How else could the divinity of their gentle kisses and the warmth of their hands together be explained?

 _If heaven is real, then it is this for eternity_ , Karla thought. As they were yet mere mortals, they eventually had to break apart to breathe. But Vanessa did not let her go far, cradling her face in one hand. Karla leaned into the contact, vaguely wondering if Vanessa had dropped the book to do so.

“Miss Gottlieb,” she whispered dreamily.

Karla shook her head minutely. “Karla. Please, just Karla.”

Vanessa inhaled sharply. “Karla. I must confess something else.”

Her mind began racing, thinking of what horrible thing she must be about to say. “Please, speak.”

“It’s not anything to fear, my darling. At least, I hope not. Do you remember a few days ago, when I called you ‘ _yenē k’onijo’_?”

“Yes, you said that was my name in Amharic.”

“Truthfully, it translates to ‘my beauty,’ although in my view it may as well be your name.”

Karla’s mouth parted into an _o_ of surprise.

“It just slipped out!” Vanessa continued in a rush. “Then you inquired as to its meaning and I didn’t wish to make you uncomfortable. And I panicked, a bit. I just needed you to know the truth. Can you forgive my deception?”

Karla pulled her in for a searing kiss, bringing her hands to Vanessa’s waist. Vanessa made a startled noise before returning the embrace eagerly. Her hands moved to tangle in Karla’s hair, providing a light tugging that filled her with a delicious warmth.

“I trust I am forgiven?” Vanessa murmured teasingly against her lips.

“For disguising your true feelings? I can hardly be angry, Miss Haile, as I was doing the very same.”

“If I am to call you Karla,” Vanessa smiled softly as she said her name. “Then you must call me Vanessa.”

Karla savored the feel of her name in her mouth. “Vanessa,” she repeated happily. “My darling Vanessa.”

She wanted to kiss her. And so she did. Again and again and again.

* * *

[i] Benjamin Banneker (1731 – 1806) was a free African American author, surveyor, landowner, and farmer who published almanacs that included tides and astronomical information, published annually from 1791-1802. I took some liberty here, but with Hermann’s mathematical skills I’m sure he could easily use that data to extrapolate to 1815 and beyond.

[ii] Phyllis Wheatley (1753 – 1784) was an African American poet, and the first African American woman to publish a book of poetry. Sold into slavery from West Africa, she was bought by the Wheatley family of Boston who encouraged her poetry and aided her in publishing her book, then freed her after it was published in 1773.

[iii] Joseph Bologne, Chevalier de Saint-Georges (1745 – 1799) was an acclaimed Afro-French violinist, composer, fencer, symphony leader, and soldier, sometimes referred to as “the Black Mozart.” The painting Karla used as a reference is [this painting by Charles Jean Robineau.](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/The_Chevalier_de_St-George.jpg)


End file.
